to have luck all the month long
your first words on the first of the month
before speaking anything to anyone
should be the word rabbits three times,
rabbits, rabbits, rabbits.
today i say it in the two o’clock hour.
after waiting three hours in the bellevue emergency room for scrips
get to the window in the bellevue pharmacy
10 minutes before closing
figuring they’ll take my scrips now
and i’ll pick them up later.
the pharmacist processes the scrips then says,
“alright, these are free and’ll be ready in 15 minutes.”
“huh?” i say. “free? and you’re closing in a minute.”
“if you give us the scrip before we close we fill it before we leave,
and all your scrips were written in the emergency room,
so they’re free.”
i got an email from you.
“hey, why don’t you come to my event?”
but you don’t answer my emails,
emphasis on the plural
so i don’t think i’m gonna.
it doesn’t happen all the times,
a few one-way emails in each direction,
but when they come i always think
how my sister picked better this time around.
there’s nobody better at playing nicolas cage
than nicolas cage,
please don’t tell me that you hate cops,
please don’t tell me that you think they’re evil.
i’ll keep on trying
even though you’re probably saying no again
because you once said yes
and might say again.
i still write you emails
even though you don’t write me emails back
and i’ve kinda stopped writing you emails
because you stopped writing emails back.
but i learned to stop calling
when you never were calling back,
so i guess i’ll soon stop emailing,
and you’ll have nothing to not reply to.
(sing to your own tune)
thanks for thanks.
hope to see you down the road.
been too long
we’ve not crossed paths
been too long
since we said hello
email’s such a bitch
even when you say i love you who cares,
even when you cross each others stares
even when everything’s goin’ great
have no money
a bit past no money
in the good direction
so i order four pounds of kosher gummy bears.
next time i have no money,
a bit past no money
in the bad direction
please remind me of this.
i’m on gummy bear watch,
monitoring fedex for when they arrive.
when after the latest refresh
i see that they’ve been delivered and signed for
by someone i’ve never heard of
who doesn’t live in my apartment
and that my door was knocked on.
after calls to fedex and my building,
i call my building’s security
tell them the name that signed for the package.
“no, no one with that name lives in the complex.”
i mention the only other thing i could think of
is that there’s this women
who lives in my building
and picks up peoples’ packages so no one steals them.
“yes, yes. the name’s off by a letter.”
he gives me her number,
and in a few hours i’m in gummy glory.
please explain to me,
why if you live in long island
and are in the city maybe five days a year,
you wouldn’t want to eat in the city
then back in long island
at some place you’ve eaten half a dozen times.
and it’s part two of our two-day extravaganza for my mom,
as my brother’s family
still doesn’t wanna deal with my sister
and my sister is happier not dealing with them either.
i’m thinking of not sending you emails about your favorite band anymore,
i’m afraid i’m feeding this tunnel vision of yours
afraid you don’t like any bands that still exist.
little kid in the backseat
maybe four or five
parents put on nirvana’s “breed,”
staged or not,
best family ever.
i can’t remember if i kissed you,
or you kissed me,
or if we held hands and walked near city lights,
or just talked close at that café i can only remember wasn’t trieste,
but i like seeing your screen name pop up in my buddy list.
emailed my niece michelle a picture of new met outfielder kirk nieuwenhuis.
he’s only 25,
more suitable for 19 year old her,
my recommendation of a substitute for david wright,
who’ll be turning 31 before year’s end.
i’m going to see you before we die,
not in some sort of distant suicide-suicide pact,
or old age-suicide pact,
or old age-old age pact,
or diabetes-old age pact,
just an i’m going to see you before we die pact,
because i like seeing you.
“checking back in,”
is my number one with a bullet email sent subject line
a product of organizing another 60-plus performer festival.
“if you were going to be an hour late, why didn’t you call?”
my sister says to my mom.
and after a minute of sis getting it out of her system,
mom went outside
and we gave her some calm away from it time.
a minute later we heard her start the car
and pull away.
(sing to your own tune)
i like that you question
over and over again,
searching out to no end,
it’s what i like most about you
it’s all i know about you.
what happened? can u tell me.
was this always you and when you were younger did it seem so cute.
has nothing changed and i simply didn’t notice it.
seems 16 years don’t matter anymore,
but i don’t care,
it just ain’t worth it.
hope you get better,
it’s something i truly mean,
but someone else will have to tell me about it,
though i hope they don’t.
please close me:
the uncensored oral history of closing the refrigerator door
by legs mcneil and gillian mccain
“i like my dairy products cold,”
said david kirschenbaum.
i don’t think about it every day
but when i do
i just want to say, you know, thanks,
heard yr folks are headed east,
staying in brighton beach.
are they planning on exploring brighton beach
the whole time?
because if they are, well, that’s great.
but if they're gonna be in the city most of the time
it's gonna be a pain for them
and costly on so many levels for them.
cabs? beyond prohibitive.
renting a car? parking on both ends, gas, maybe tolls, too.
depending upon how they travel. this all adds up to a basically a vacation i wouldn't wish on people i hate,
no less ones i love.
anyway, that’s my two cents,
in hopes you might think everything's ok
or pass the word on.
down to last bit of bread
by putting sugar free raspberry and apricot preserves in a bowl
with chunks of cream cheese off a brick
and mix them up as well as i can by hand
before eating by plastic teaspoon.
i wanted to see my niece michelle on her 19th birthday
and i’ve only been back in my apartment for four days
and my folks are due in the city in three days
(save $16.50 long island roundtrip).
i’ve liked the early start,
the beautiful space,
the kind owners.
i’ve liked the early ends,
the nearby diner’s huge, empty backroom,
haagen-dazs chocolate chocolate chip from my most local supermarket
10 p.m. t.v.
blue polka-dot crème shirt,
light blue denim shorts
grabs a mini pretzel rod
and proceeds to suck the salt off
sticking the minirod in and out of her mouth
as she twists the rod with her hand
and swirls her tongue around the rod.
before grabbing a new minirod.
do all dresses require a slip?
why are slips needed?
why don’t they just build them into dresses
or make the dresses’ fabric thicker?
first time in an ihop in like 30 years
no longer eating pigs in blankets.
they’re kind enough to make me a veggie omelette
in a frying pan.